The great WC Fields warned of the dangers of mixing whisky and water. Now comes this, from the Daily Record.
Best advice is: keep your Scotch away from the goldfish!
A MAN'S DRINK Jun 7 2004
Whisky makes your b *** s bigger
Exclusive By Craig Mcdonald
SALMON living near whisky distilleries grow extra large testicles, researchers have found.
Scientists looked at the growth of fish living in the River Spey and its tributaries in the north of Scotland.
The area is famed for whisky distilleries, including famous brands such as Glenfiddich, Glenlivet, Tomintoul and Cardhu.
The Glasgow University team found fish living downstream of distilleries were bigger than others in a special way.
One student joked: 'Some of us are wondering if this means whisky makes you more of aman.' Another said: 'We began to suspect some fish were extra big in a certain department. The research has proved it true.'
Postgraduate student Diane Baum, 25, made the finding while working towards her doctorate.
She was working with the Spey Fisheries Trust, who catch young fish for research purposes.
Professor Neil Metcalfe, 44, who is supervising Diane's studies, said: 'The temperature downstream from distilleries is a couple of degrees warmer than elsewhere. Diane found this created salmon with bigger testes.
'The warmer temperatures make salmon grow bigger.
'It does not affect when they become sexually mature.
Abnormal 'We found if they do become sexually mature earlier, they end up with bigger testes.
'We are not sure why this is.' He added that fish abnormal in this way would be likely to produce more sperm.
Professor Metcalfe claimed it was the warmer water, rather than the whisky, which created the special fish. He even warned global warming could, in theory, lead to waters populated by salmon with large testicles.
Diane's work also produced other surprise findings.
The group found salmon living at high altitude grow at different rates to those near sea level.
Prof Metcalfe said: 'Some of the male fish are sexually mature when they are small only about four inches long.
'These tend not to go out to sea and just spawn where they are.'
He said this could have commercial implications, as it could affect the number of fish available for anglers to catch