Gentlemen and my dear ladies,
Perhaps I can revive some vitality into the twitching corpse of this moribund meeting place for self-styled gurus of goŭt, the taliban of taste, the self-appointed arbiters of asinine observation.
Help me if you can!
My publishers have suggested that in my forth-coming tome I include what they haplessly describe as 'tasting notes' for the whiskies from the distilleries that I will visit. This has led to some full, frank and furious discussion. 'Anyone who knows anything worth their salt about whisky' I objected, 'will know from my descriptions exactly what the whisky tasted like'. 'But Alfred', objected the pretty young girl who gripped her clipboard to her chest like the Virgin might cradle the god-child, 'they know nothing. Like me they are in a sublime state of ignorance, and unlike in your day, and oh! - Such a day it was - they have to be fed from a spoon with all the information that knowledge might have made superfluous...' I started that this young innocent lass might have been so poetical - had I put words to her mouth? But her point was well made and understood. Apparently you need to be told all - you have no thought or imagination to decide for yourself - self-styled gurus or not!
But help me with this if you may. If I have to write 'tasting notes' (what remains of my corporeal traces shudder at this proposition) what format should they take - what words may I use to connect with your simple minds - what phrases will cause the nihilists among you to rage with spleen and so should be avoided.
'Sweet', 'smooth', 'salty', 'satisfying', 'seaweed', - what banalities must I debase myself to in order to find a place in this so-called modern world?
(Deceased whisky-writer of great repute)