Whisky Magazine Issue 27
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John Haydock is rather sharply reminded of his 'contractual obligations' to whisky Magazine
From P. T. Ale, The Archiestown Office of Messrs Sparge, Badger & Joe:
Dear Mr Haydock,
Further to our earlier conversations, it is with regret that I must write to you to remind you of your strict obligations with respect to certain clauses in your contract with Whisky Magazine.
1) Humour: under the terms of your agreement you are restricted to no more than three jokes per 1,000 words. Whisky is not a humorous subject. Moreover, as humour is not directly related to the distillation or maturation of single malt whiskies, its presence in the magazine is largely superfluous. Excessive use of humour must desist forthwith.
2) Tasting notes: as heretofore indicated ibid., the use of the words or phrases “like a musty bung cloth”, “drinks like distilled dung”, “how can anyone who thinks they know about malt whisky even put a glass of this bilge to their lips”, “shot through with sherry and sulphur”, “crap”, “like a walk on an Islay beach covered with rotting whale carcasses” is strictly forbidden. “Astonishing”, “remarkably fragrant”, “delicious”, “I almost wept with joy”, “even better than the last one I tasted” etc. etc. should and must be used at every opportunity without discrimination or prejudice (well, not too much prejudice anyway). Please note that phrases, paragraphs or sentences beginning “quite possibly the best … ” are currently
subject to a copyright dispute instigated by a certain third party. We are challenging on...