Always on call
Ever wondered about the demands of being a whisky superstar? John Haydockoffers his answerphone contents up for scrutiny
You donât have to be a world-famous whisky superstar like yours truly to need an answerphone, but when you are, it sure beats the hell out of having to accept a Mannochmore Martini when you know that somewhere thereâs a Longmorn Lombomba on offer â if you get my drift.
Just try to imagine all my travel â intelligence gathering as I discreetly relax in the hot-tub of the Archiestown Hotel Leisure Spa, unrecognised amongst the wagging tongues (and other bits!) of the movers and shakers of Speysideâs finest, or communing with my spiritual side in my isolated Islay hideaway (isolated, that is, apart from the three dozen or so neighbouring hideaways that are being rapidly colonised by the incoming hoardes of patronising pen-pushing whisky scribes), or my unabated executive-class globe-trotting at the behest of my chief industry pal and patron Rupert.
And, of course, thereâs my tireless travel on behalf of you, my audience, my discerning high-value consumers, to explain to you at length the inherent authentic yet innovative, traditional yet strangely contemporary, hand-crafted thoâ occasionally massproduced, core brand values of â youâve guessed it â John Haydock (with the odd reference to any grog that some munificent maltdistilling monolith might have chosen to throw my way).
Well, what with all of that, I need some way to handle the âphone calls that amass in my absence, and, between you and me, Mrs H. has made it quite clear that sheâs not going to do.....
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By John Haydock
Section : An acidic finish
Page number : 74
