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Issue 41 - It'sallamatterofangles

Whisky Magazine Issue 41
July 2004

 

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It'sallamatterofangles

Dave‘TheBrush'Broomonpotting,piratesandpromotions

Ifthetruthbetold,I'veneverbeenparticularlygoodatsnooker.Themyopiadoesn'thelp.NeitherdoesthefactthatIusuallyonlyendupplayingitattheendofwhathasalreadybeenanextremelylongnight.

WhoamIkidding?It'sdowntoatotalinabilitytoworkouttheangles.

Iwasnevergoodatgeometryatschool.Whyshouldthingschangesuddenly?OK,sothere'stheoccasionalluckyshot,butI'mnotfooledintothinkingthatitisanymorethanthat;bizarre,freakishchance.

ThistotalineptitudewasonfullpublicdisplayonJurarecently.Thetablewasthere,sowasagatheringofwhatIhadpreviouslythoughtofassomeofthemorerecherchémembersofthewhiskyindustry.HowwrongcouldIbe?Whilethemorerefinedmembersofthepartysatandchatted,thosewhopickedupthecuedisplayedevidenceofhavingwastedtheirteenageyearsinstickycarpetedbasementpoolhalls.

AtleastImanagedtoinstilacertainelementofhumourintowhatwasonthevergeofbecomingatensegame.IwasdubbedBarnesWallisformyability(orskillasIprefertocallit)tobouncethecueballoverthecolourIwasaimingatanddirectlyintoapocket—oroffthetableentirely.

Atonepoint,feelingalittlemoreconfident—IblamethePortEllenforthat—Itriedtoliealongthetableinordertoslidetheredintothebottomleftcornerpocket.Ifelloff.Yousee?Justcouldn'tworkouttheangle.

Youcouldn'taccuseLeonardRussell,aka‘theGlengoynepirate',ofthat.

Earlierinthedayhehadstagedasea-borneraidontheIslayfestivalbycommandeeringa(veryrich)friend'sginpalaceandsailingitintoPortEllenharbour.

Itwasanactofsuchbrazencheekthatyoujusthadtoapplaud—andtastesomemoreunpeatedHighlandmaltwiththesmokefromthePortEllen...

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