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Issue 41 - Foundonthemarketingdepartmentfloor

Whisky Magazine Issue 41
July 2004

 

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Foundonthemarketingdepartmentfloor

AmericanwriterTerrySullivanisthelatestguestjournalisttograceourpages.Andhehassomeprettycoolindustryinsidersascontacts…

Wenumberamongourfaithfulreaderssomeofthefinestwhiskymakers,connoisseursandspiritsindustryexecutivesintheworld.Luckily,wealsonumberamongourreadersafewhumblerfolk—thosewhosweepupandemptythetrashbinsintheofficesofthoseveryexecutives.

Herewith,somenewproductplansthatfailedtomakethecut,foundonmarketingdepartmentfloorsfromBardstowntoBruichladdich.

CaptainMacallan:theoriginalspicedmalt,fromarecentlydiscoveredPictishrecipe.LabelillustratedwithapictureoftheoldCap'nhimself,aboardhisfrigatewithhispetPuffinperchedonhisshoulder.

HighlandPork:10yearsinsherrycasks,finishedwithayearinanAmericanporkbarrel.AcustomdistillationfortheU.S.Senatediningroom,availablebyspecialorderelsewhere.JimMurraysays“Stickstoyourribs.”

BelvedereBlonde—filteredthroughthehairofathousandPolishvirgins.Weexpecta“Euro-Hit!”

MarlBowmore:Astepbeyondpeat,thissuper-premiummaltismadefrombarleylovinglydriedoversmoulderingtraysofMarlborocigarettes.MadefortheItalianandFrenchmarkets,anAmericanexportversionisavailable,usingsmokefromMarlboroExtraLight100s.

SUSH-O:CreatedforCaliforniafusionrestaurants—alivelyblendofsakiandDietFresca.

Mesmer-Ize:Aready-to-drinkalternativetoHypnotiq,atantalisingmarriageofmango,ginko-biloba,andmarble-agedneutralgrainspirits—allinabrightpinkbottle.

Edge-o-EnglandDryGin:Apurerectifiedspirit,steepedinessenceofheatherandgorse,filteredthrougha10-yardsectionofHadrian'sWall.

AbsoluteAncient:Forthediscriminatingvodkadrinker—agedforafull12yearsinwood-grainFormicabarrels.“Alltheage...

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