Simmons’ first punch set the tone for the evening, “Ten years ago, Richard changed the trajectory of my life with his passionate evangelism not just for his own brands, but for Scotch whisky as a whole. I owe him a great deal and tonight, I intend to show my gratitude by wiping this canvas with his moustachioed face.”
Attendees were given three rounds of whiskies, tasted blind in a head-to-head while Paterson and Simmons exchanged blows in the ring. Ringside judge John “Compass Box-er” Glaser watched in amazement when, at one point, Simmons took scissors to Paterson’s Hermes tie. Paterson rapidly retaliated by ripping off Simmons’ specs and smashing them underfoot.
“Truly the strangest, and perhaps greatest, whisky tasting I have ever attended,” said Glaser as he announced a draw. Expect a rematch. Vegas, anyone?